To the woman on the mobile phone, junction of Lax Lane, High Street and Lower Park

To the woman driving up Lax Lane whilst using her mobile phone.
It is my custom to gesticulate to drivers who think it quite safe to negotiate tight bends, busy roads with narrow pavements, and other obstacles whilst holding a phone to their ear. I consider it to be a dangerous practice – driving one handed is daft, and talking to someone on the phone distracts one from paying full attention to the driving. To be frank, you are a bunch of idiotic fools who put your own convenience over and above the safety of others – you think you are safe, and from where I stand, on the pavement or a cycle, you are a bloody menace.

So when a woman got to the end of Lax Lane this morning, talking on her phone whilst approaching one of the most difficult bits of road in Bewdley, I was cross. It is a blind turning – one has to ‘peep and creep’ to emerge, and turn very hard to get out of the junction. Me and my little boy considered ourselves to be in danger from such an idiot, and I gesticulated. She seemed to think I was out of order, and wound down her window to speak to me – I think she was showing off that she could do this from her side, electric windows. She asked if I was a policeman, then repeated it whilst I stood somewhat bemused. She said if I wasn’t I should be minding my own business. We had a little altercation.

You silly bloody sod – it is my business. It is my street, and it is my arse in danger. Your appreciation of moral understanding is so low I can hardly reach down to you. I’m an anarchist – I give not much of a toss for a policeman; I am concerned about protecting myself and my environment, and my freedom to safely negotiate that environment. I don’t need your small minded attitude that considers only ‘crime’ and getting caught – I can make my own judgements, and tell other people when I think their behaviour is thoroughly lacking, if it impedes upon me. You, with your two child seats in the back of your motor, ought to develop some safe driving habits.

Actually, she said it was an emergency she was dealing with. I told her, if that was the case, to pull in and speak safely. She wasn’t impressed.

So next time anyone thinks of being a twat whilst driving – on the phone, drunk, speeding, dangerous motor – remember that many of us think you are twats, and would be quite happy if you kill yourself and all your loved ones. And if you feel like me about twats on the road, feel free to gesticulate and shout at the bastards – perhaps it is the only way to get through, and there are far more of us out there than the police, who can’t catch all the bad guys.